MML Skills in California

Forgiveness is deliberately choosing to forgive, then replacing actions of alienation with actions of caring. Before it can happen, each person has to come to terms with thoughts, feelings, concerns and desires. Then there is a decision: I will forgive or I will seek forgiveness. Words follow. These words represent the choice to take the stones down from around your heart so love can flow again. Forgiveness is a choice to be healed of the inevitable and regrettable hurts of human living. Once the forgiveness choice is made, it is put into action by choosing to act in loving ways. These loving actions, immediately and over time, restore the relationships–often bringing it to a new level of commitment and care. (from Mastering the Mysteries of Love participant book, page 98)

How about spending some Quality Time together as a couple! Here are some great “Time for Us Ideas”:

1. Weekly Date – set aside a time each week to “date.” Stay home with a movie or go out. Take a walk of talk over a cup of tea or coffee.
2. Talk Time – set aside a time each day to talk about the day and Show Understanding (listen empathically) to each other.
3. Greeting Rituals – make a point to greet each other when you come home, and say goodbye when you leave.

Try 1 or more of them! These simple acts of love can make a world of difference in your marriage or relationship. 

Empathic Listening is listening in such a sincere and focused way that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, try to understand what they’re saying from their point of view, feeling their feelings. You forget about yourself and are focused totally on them. In MML, this is called “Showing Understanding Skill.” Learn it and practice it daily to improve your marriage and all your relationships — and even more fundamentally, IMPROVE YOURSELF while practicing it!

Dr. Barry Ginsberg says, “Empathic listening/responding is the core skill. When couples practice this over time, they begin naturally to tune into their partners feelings before they even begin to think about their own perspective. It has a way of undermining our usual and typical non-conscious quick defensive responding. If we really grasp the underlying feeling motivations, no matter the subject, it would be hard to respond defensively. I think that it’s best to listen to the underlying feeling more than what it’s about.”

Today is a Great Day to simply tell your spouse “I appreciate you!” But more than that, express a Partner Appreciation to him/her, and tell them why. For example, “Honey, I really appreciate you for the great meals you make, like the lovely dinner you made tonite” or “I appreciate you for all the work you do for our family” or “I appreciate you for praying together with me each day.” Simple appreciations, with the reasons why you feel that way, really boost the other person, and build and strengthen the foundation of your relationship so that it will grow and grow for years to come! Give a Partner Appreciation Today!

Go to www.RelationshipsCA.org and click on “classes & trainings”, then scroll down to find an MML class near you. Attending an MML class is one of the best GIFTS you can give to yourself and your marriage!  Learning and practicing communication skills unlocks doors to deeper understanding, empathy, and love.

Have you had a burning issue on your mind and suddenly started talking to your spouse about it only to find that they weren’t ready to hear it and you felt even more frustrated, perhaps angry at their unwillingness to listen to you right then and there? Here’s some key advice: Discussions with your spouse work better when you both agree to have them. Then each of you can be ready, instead of being caught off guard. You can think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Try to find a time and place to talk without interruptions. If you have small children, you may want to find a baby-sitter. When both of you are ready to discuss, and do so with speaking and listening skills, you have a better chance of the discussion, even on a problem issue, going well.