MML Skills in California

The Healing Power of Forgiveness

Bento — Tue, 07 May 2013 13:48:45 +0000

Forgiveness is deliberately choosing to forgive, then replacing actions of alienation with actions of caring. Before it can happen, each person has to come to terms with thoughts, feelings, concerns and desires. Then there is a decision: I will forgive or I will seek forgiveness. Words follow. These words represent the choice to take the stones down from around your heart so love can flow again. Forgiveness is a choice to be healed of the inevitable and regrettable hurts of human living. Once the forgiveness choice is made, it is put into action by choosing to act in loving ways. These loving actions, immediately and over time, restore the relationships–often bringing it to a new level of commitment and care. (from Mastering the Mysteries of Love participant book, page 98)

Welcome to our MML Blog!!

Bento — Sat, 27 Apr 2013 23:29:44 +0000

We at Healthy Relationships California (HRC) are delighted to host and operate this weblog (blog) entitled “MML Skills in California”.

Mastering the Mysteries of Love (MML), co-authored by Dr. Bernard G. Guerney, Jr., and Mary Ortwein, M.S., is a version of Relationship Enhancement first developed by Dr. Guerney in the 1960s. RE/MML teaches 10 key couple communication skills helping couples to speak and listen to each other with greater care and empathy to enhance their relationship and to successfully address and solve problems. Click here to see a 1-page: Summary Sheet of the 10 MML Skills

(To see a listing of MML classes and leader trainings in your area, go to http://www.relationshipsca.org. For more on MML, visit www.skillswork.org).This blog is designed to be a resource for dialogue, instruction, guidance, and discussion on all things MML in California! We’re here to serve YOU in your MML needs!

Find CATEGORIES at the bottom of this page to help you find the blog posts and information that will help you the most!

Click the various tabs and links — explore this site! Post messages, ask questions, and share insights and inspirations of your experiences using the MML skills in your life, and if you’re an MML facilitator, of the power of teaching the MML skills to others.Again, thanks for logging in to our blog! Visit MMLSkills.com often!!

Bento Leal, Blogmaster for “MML Skills in California”, Certified MML Trainer, and MML Implementation Specialist for Healthy Relationships California

MML Graduation Class

Tagged: Facilitators, General, MML, Participants, Trainers

“Time for Us Ideas” for your couple

Bento — Sun, 01 Apr 2012 23:22:37 +0000

How about spending some Quality Time together as a couple! Here are some great “Time for Us Ideas”:

Weekly Date – set aside a time each week to “date.” Stay home with a movie or go out. Take a walk of talk over a cup of tea or coffee.
Talk Time – set aside a time each day to talk about the day and Show Understanding (listen empathically) to each other.
Greeting Rituals – make a point to greet each other when you come home, and say goodbye when you leave.

Try 1 or more of them! These simple acts of love can make a world of difference in your marriage or relationship.

Empathic Listening – the #1 Communication Skill

Bento — Sat, 11 Jun 2011 05:42:13 +0000

Empathic Listening is listening in such a sincere and focused way that you put yourself in the other person’s shoes, try to understand what they’re saying from their point of view, feeling their feelings. You forget about yourself and are focused totally on them. In MML, this is called “Showing Understanding Skill.” Learn it and practice it daily to improve your marriage and all your relationships — and even more fundamentally, IMPROVE YOURSELF while practicing it!

Dr. Barry Ginsberg says, “Empathic listening/responding is the core skill. When couples practice this over time, they begin naturally to tune into their partners feelings before they even begin to think about their own perspective. It has a way of undermining our usual and typical non-conscious quick defensive responding. If we really grasp the underlying feeling motivations, no matter the subject, it would be hard to respond defensively. I think that it’s best to listen to the underlying feeling more than what it’s about.”

Give a “Partner Appreciation” Today!

Bento — Fri, 15 Oct 2010 22:50:17 +0000

Today is a Great Day to simply tell your spouse “I appreciate you!” But more than that, express a Partner Appreciation to him/her, and tell them why. For example, “Honey, I really appreciate you for the great meals you make, like the lovely dinner you made tonite” or “I appreciate you for all the work you do for our family” or “I appreciate you for praying together with me each day.” Simple appreciations, with the reasons why you feel that way, really boost the other person, and build and strengthen the foundation of your relationship so that it will grow and grow for years to come! Give a Partner Appreciation Today!

Find an MML Class near you at www.RelationshipsCA.org

Bento — Thu, 09 Sep 2010 04:56:48 +0000

Go to www.RelationshipsCA.org and click on “classes & trainings”, then scroll down to find an MML class near you. Attending an MML class is one of the best GIFTS you can give to yourself and your marriage! Learning and practicing communication skills unlocks doors to deeper understanding, empathy, and love.

Discussing a Problem – Agree on Time and Place for a Skilled Discussion

Bento — Thu, 17 Dec 2009 15:36:15 +0000

Have you had a burning issue on your mind and suddenly started talking to your spouse about it only to find that they weren’t ready to hear it and you felt even more frustrated, perhaps angry at their unwillingness to listen to you right then and there? Here’s some key advice: Discussions with your spouse work better when you both agree to have them. Then each of you can be ready, instead of being caught off guard. You can think about what you want to say and how you want to say it. Try to find a time and place to talk without interruptions. If you have small children, you may want to find a baby-sitter. When both of you are ready to discuss, and do so with speaking and listening skills, you have a better chance of the discussion, even on a problem issue, going well.

Discussion Skill – Pattern of Taking Turns

Bento — Fri, 30 Oct 2009 16:04:17 +0000

How many conversations have you had where both people want to talk and be heard at the same time? Each is speaking, and neither is listening. Pretty confusing and frustrating, isn’t it? Discussion Skill helps to remedy that.

The goal of Discussion Skill is to set up a pattern of taking turns that lets each of you say everything you want to say while your partner Shows Understanding (listens with empathy) to what you’re saying and the underlying feelings behind your words. As you do this you learn from each other. The conversation steadily moves you to a new place where you are ready to solve the problem. This is accomplished as you take turns Expressing Yourself and Showing Understanding. Only one of you can Express Yourself at a time. The other person Shows Understanding.

Practice taking turns, while respectfully expressing and listening to each other, and be surprised at how much more constructive and fulfilling your conversations will be! Try it!

Tagged: Communication Skills

Expression Skill – what’s the first step?

Bento — Wed, 02 Sep 2009 04:19:05 +0000

Think before you speak. This sounds obvious, right? But how many times have you spoken to someone without really thinking through the consequences of saying those words? Especially if you’re angry or agitated — taking time to calm down, gather your thoughts, and choosing your words well will go a long way to helping your conversation start off successfully. Then, perhaps the person will be interested to hear what you have to say! “If you blurt, you can hurt!” Indeed, take time to think about what you want to say.

Tagged: Expression Skill

Attend an MML Coaching Training!

Bento — Fri, 12 Jun 2009 18:29:50 +0000

Click on the “Coaches” tab at the top of this home page to find out more!

Tagged: For Coaches, Skills Coaching